Too Much Stress

I am SO stressed!!! Guys, let me take a moment and explain to you all of the things that I have to do… I have a recital to plan with about 16 students, a handful of students to prepare for musicianship exams, about 40+ lessons to teach each week, going to my own viola and piano lessons, taking care of my puppy, taking care of myself and dieting, studying for the GRE, preparing my personal statement, managing my blog, and managing my expenses. That’s what is inside my mind every single week. And it gets worse…

I’m not sleeping at night. I know, it sounds horrible already, but being sleep deprived is another facet to stress. I only get about 2-4 hours of sleep each night and that is not enough to keep me going throughout the day. I actually need a TON of energy to be efficient. It’s like I have to be at 100% every single day. I don’t know if I’m going to eventually fall asleep and have a good night sleep. However, as of right now, I really wish I can take a nap.

I really think that I have to reconsider what my priorities are and let many things go. I’m currently using Google Calendar and HabitBull to keep me on track. If you also feel stressed, I suggest taking a break from whatever it is. Stress ruins your body and limits your overall happiness. I’m only beginning to learn how to manage my stress, but today was a bad day. I only slept for about 3 hours and I woke up not feeling tired at all.

Please help. Send help!! Haha

An Old Fashioned Heart to Heart Talk

I’ve been making it a goal of mine to blog consistently because blogging is something that I really enjoy doing. I’ve also been wanting to post more topic posts that address a problem and elaborates more on it. I was inspired by Alfie’s (Pointlessblog) youtube video in which he talks about topics in front of his audience. And I want to start mine as well. My very first post is going to be about social anxiety. I think most people don’t know this about me or they might have started to catch on, but I have social anxiety. I can’t stand being in big crowds or talking in a large group. It’s something that I don’t feel comfortable with and I have never expressed it to other people. And it’s something extremely personal about me.

You would think that I wouldn’t have this problem because I teach all the time. I guess my brain approaches these situations differently than if I was in a big group of people. I’ve seen MANY people physically feel uncomfortable around me because I am not willing to have a conversation with them. And it’s not that I’m being rude, it’s honestly because I know how I will be if I try to engage in a conversation with other people. My body will react slower and I will just be miserable. So what do I do? I avoid these interactions completely. And that’s why you will see me by myself at parties or not talking much at events.

I’ve been asked by a lot of people about how I make friends. And the honest answer to that question is that I really cherish the friendships that I made with people that I’ve been friends with for a long time. So, since my social anxiety has become more prominent later in my life, I don’t feel that way around my friends. And you can probably guess that I haven’t really made new friends since.

I think many people struggle with social anxiety (I was just about to say “suffer”, but that would not be the right word). And it’s often misinterpreted as rudeness. I don’t want people to think that I’m a rude person that thinks very highly of herself. I am the opposite. I just don’t feel comfortable starting conversations. And believe me, I’m trying to slowly regain some confidence in this area. But as of right now, I would rather stay in my bubble where I feel most comfortable.