Things that I want to change in my life

I’ve been reflecting on my previous post and I’ve came up with some ideas that I want to work on for myself. I’ve realized that I am definitely reliant on my partner for a part of my happiness and I want to be able to make myself happy too. I know that life is more than just relying on one person. It’s not that I don’t love him, I just want to be able to make myself just as happy as he makes me. Here is my list of changes I’m planning on making:

1. I’m going to manage my dinner every night. I know that this might sound simple, but I’ve been partly reliant on my partner for dinner and I cannot do that anymore. I want to have all of my food ready for me and I want to eat the best food possible. I also don’t want to worry about not having anything. I’m a grown woman and I need to start being completely responsible for this.

2. I’m going to start taking more financial responsibilities. I hate the idea of being reliant on other people because I want to become completely self-sufficient. Unfortunately, in order to do this, I will have to just start doing it. I will learn how to do this and eventually, it will become easier and easier to do.

3. I’m going to live my life regardless of the limitations I have. I have been isolating myself in my room because of the fear of other people judging me. I’m going to simply stop caring. I cannot let myself be pulled back by other people. There are so many things I’ve wanted to do, but I don’t because of other people. My life is still going and I don’t want to waste my time over other people.

4. I’m going to start saving money. I’ve realized over the years that money speaks more than words can. Someone can say mean things about me, but it wouldn’t matter if I had money and I was self-sufficient. I need to start making a savings account that I can fall back on. I want to be able to have money to take care of myself. And it will definitely help when people try to talk down to me because I know that their words won’t matter. I am someone and I will be fine just by myself.

5. I’m going to work harder on school. My education will change everything for me and I need to remember that this is my priority. I have a whole lifetime to be with my partner and I will have dinner with him every night in the future. Our future will be great. I have to remember that.

Of course, these goals are highly influenced by my own life, but I hope it can give everyone some perspective on their own lives. I’m still learning and I am going to continue on improving myself every day.

In need of a stress reliever

Ever since I was young, I didn’t really need to take care of my mental health. I would just go through whatever emotion I had completely and then I was over it. If I was sad, I would cry for hours and hours until I couldn’t cry anymore. If I was angry, I would just distance myself from people for a day or two. And if I was happy, I would be jumping up and down. Now, my emotions are not so easy to handle. I didn’t know that when I got older, I would have to focus on my mental health. I never had to worry about taking care of my stress. I remember my childhood and my high school years were filled with stress, and I seemed fine. My body wasn’t breaking down like it is now when I’m stressed.

I have had to focus on my mental heath constantly every single day. I remind myself to take breaks when I’m overworked or to get more sleep. And I am honestly tired from doing this. I take care of myself every single day. And I feel like my body needs me all the time.

I recently had a horrible migraine and I now know it’s because of stress. My body is filled with stress and I don’t know how to get rid of it. I don’t even know how to manage my stress. I think I need to have a couple of stress relievers that I can do or have every single day. If I don’t control my stress, it will take a heavy toll on my body. And I want to be alive to be there with my husband. I have brainstormed some stress relievers. I think I’ve come up with some good ideas. Of course, every person has a different way of relieving their stress and they also have different things they like. I enjoy blogging and it has always helped me to overcome any negative feelings I might be feeling. I feel so much better when I write things down. I also enjoy quiet. I don’t like loud music or television. I would much rather prefer sitting outside with no noises. Another stress reliever for me is the gym. I’ve talked about it before. And besides those ideas, I feel like I am at a loss for anymore stress relievers. I could develop a plant hobby or a cooking hobby. I just need something to help me cope with my stress for the next five years. If you guys have any ideas, I would greatly appreciate it.

There’s something very attractive about the written word

I think it’s very impressive if someone can write well and be able to articulate their thoughts onto paper. In my case, I write on a digital platform. My blog is my outlet and it gives me the ability to share all of my thoughts. I’ve been writing for awhile now. And none of this is new to me. You can go back to my old blogs and read everything I’ve ever written. I’m actually glad that I have a large capsule full of my own writing. I am also heavily attracted to those who write their feelings down. I love long paragraphs of text messages. And I crave these long messages. I want to know more about someone’s thoughts. I ultimately want to know what they’re thinking and the best way is to have it all written down. I can’t describe it very well, but I don’t think writing will ever go out of style. I want to write more and hopefully one day, I’ll be able to write a novel. It won’t be great, but it will be mine. And I hope to achieve these goals someday.

Don’t give up

I tell myself this every day: don’t give up. I know that I will never get anything if I choose to give up early. Life is about continuing to work hard day after day. You can put in a day’s worth of work and it won’t matter. You have to continue working for months and maybe years to get what you want. At first, I didn’t know if I had the perseverance to keep going. I felt like giving up. And I wanted to try doing something else. Well… I’m not going to give up. I’m going to continue pushing no matter what. I know I will achieve my goals and I cannot let myself get in the way. I will do this.

If you needed to hear this too, take a moment to appreciate all of the work you have done so far. Don’t discredit yourself. You are worth it. Nothing worth having is going to be easy.

You’ll Be Okay

I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone is going to like you. And that’s okay. You don’t need the approval of everyone especially when you don’t have to accept everyone either. I’ve learned to be picky with who I spend my energy on. This is my life and I am going to make sure that my life is fulfilling for myself. I am damn well sure that I am going to be happy. I’ve learned that nobody can take away my happiness. I’m not going to let them do so.

Every day in the new year has been a learning experience for me. I won’t say that I had the best start to the new year. It was pretty rough for me. I don’t really feel like this year will be the best year, but I’m going to try my best regardless. I know that I am going to be okay. I’m not going to let anything get me down.

I feel like I need to do something new. I’ve been doing the same things every day. I’m not too sure on what this new thing will be. I know that I want it to be special for myself. Maybe I should start a travel fund? I can save money for myself to go travel when I want to? That sounds amazing and I’ve never done something like that before.

2020 is THE YEAR

I’ve begun to realize that I can’t please everyone and I’m tired of trying. I know what I want from my own life and I’m trying to make myself happy, but there are obstacles in the way. I’ve known for a long time that I need to take care of myself and I’m ready to do so. I’m ready to start trying to protect my own happiness.

I’ve also noticed that time has gone so much faster since I’ve been focused on myself. I can’t wait to start reaping the rewards for myself. I’m ready to start living my life the way I want. Happy 2020 everyone!

Interesting observations

My life never ceases to amuse me or maybe it’s just people that never stop surprising me. I got into a car accident a couple weeks ago. I told the guy that I’ll fix his car and he took almost four weeks to go to a mechanic to get the quote. He just told me that he wants me to zelle him the money because he can’t take three days off of work to have his car fixed. I don’t think I trust him enough. He said that he’ll just fix it himself instead. I’m pretty peeved because I think he’ll just pocket the money. Plus, I’m annoyed at the fact that it took him four weeks to get a quote. It’s annoying. And I want to do the right thing to fix his car. I think I’m getting scammed. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’ll just wait until I can get a second opinion.

I’ve also noticed that my students have been asking for a lot more than I can offer. I give stickers when they complete a song in their music book. I have tons of stickers from year and years of collecting them. And I don’t mind sharing my stickers with them. I actually have all of them using the same ones. Anyways, they have been asking me if they can keep the sticker pages. I don’t have the funds right now to just give away my supplies. And I thought it was pretty forward of them to ask. They’ve also been asking me to buy more. They’ll rip them and then ask me to buy some new ones. I don’t usually buy new ones because I have so many that I didn’t use yet. I told them that I’m not going to buy new ones until all the old ones are used. They’ve also been asking me for additional books and gifts if they finish their books. I don’t want to be a mean teacher, but I told them that the prize for finishing their book is the satisfaction of knowing they’ve worked hard.

I understand the need to want more things, but I can’t afford to do that right now. And if I already have these things, I’m definitely not going to buy new stuff. They should be more appreciative of what I’m giving and know that I’m already giving a lot. I am going to continue to not buy new stuff. And they will have to wait.

Add this to the list of things I’m learning about myself… I’m a loner!

In high school, I was interested in making new friends so I talked to everyone. I knew a lot of people and had many friends. Fast forward to college, I didn’t have many friends and I found myself staying home by myself most of the time. I wish I had more friends, but I wasn’t very sociable. And consequently, I was pretty lonely. Now, however, I never found the need to be sociable because I’m so busy all the time. I’m starting to think that I need to be sociable again. I need to start making friends because life is not as fun without them. With the new start of 2020, I’m going to try to make some new friends. And I hope that this year will be a little less lonely.