I am so irritated right now, but I kept thinking about how great this content will be. The saga of my life continues as the auto shop which supposedly accepts card payments prefers cash payments instead. I’m a student which means I don’t make a lot of money. And I was going to use my card to pay for it. I guess I can’t now. The more I think about it, the more irritated I become. Why say that they accept card when they really don’t? I decided that I’m going to reduce all of my spending until I can pay off all of the debt. My studying for school will have to be put on hold. I don’t know why that whenever I deal with my family, I always end up spending tons of money. They told me to stop working as much so I can study and then now they’re asking why I don’t have a lot of money. Hmm I wonder why? They made me tank my gpa when I was in undergrad because they forced me to choose a tough major. And I am now paying a lot in student loans for it. They want me to pay a bunch in future loans because being in 200k in debt is worth it to them. I’m so sick of this. I’m better off making all of my own decisions. I need to go somewhere far away. Thank god I moved out two years ago.
I think I’ve leveled up this year. I feel more strong than I ever did before. And I feel very secure in what my future is going to look like. I know that I will be okay no matter what. I have worked so hard the last couple of days and I’m so proud that I haven’t given up. I think most people would have called it quits if they had to work so hard for something. I know that I have a good future and I’m heading right for it.
As I’m getting older, I’ve also learned that no one can tell me what to do anymore. It doesn’t really matter what my parents want me to do. I have made all the decisions for myself and I’m proud of that. I know that my life is mine now. And I used to be so irritated when I was told what to do all of the time. It’s good to know that I don’t have to deal with my parents hovering over everything I do anymore. My life is free and not exhausting.
I’m also running out of ideas of what to write about. I’ve been fairly active on my blog for the past couple of months. I love blogging, but I need new ideas. Let me know what are some good ideas to write about!
I’m writing this from the bike at my gym. Today, I worked about 7-8 hours with medium to severe neck pain from my car accident. It has been horrible to have this pain throughout the day, but I couldn’t stop work just because of my pain. I need to continue to work so I can pay off the damages to my car. And that is absolutely necessary for me to do. I might be able to take some time off, but today was not a day I could take a day off. There was way too much work I had to do along with preparing my students for festival and musicianship exams. They need me to be there to make sure everything is moving forward. And I have students that need to prepare for our annual recital.
I did take some natural remedy that I bought from Sprouts, but I feel like it only works somewhat. I probably need to go see a chiropractor and I don’t think I can avoid it anymore. I need to be present for my students during this time of year or else they won’t be able to compete. And this is what we have worked hard for. I’ve been slowly leveling all of them up, so I can prepare them to take the next step in their exams.
I’ve been looking into teaching through FaceTime or online. I have done that with one student when I was unable to have lessons face to face. I just don’t think it would work with my younger students. It might, but there are way too many things we have to do during lessons. The good news is that I’ve almost completed my entire to do list. And I’m pretty proud. I’ve been working every single day at it. The list had about 15-25 items on it. I’m a busy person, but it’s all worth it. I love feeling accomplished.
I’m not going to lie… I hated it too, but I’ve been thinking about the ending a lot. Alex ended up going back to Izzie to take care of his children he never knew he had. And I’m sure everyone including me are stunned to see him leave Jo. I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy for many years and while I don’t watch it on television when new episodes air, I keep up with the show through YouTube clips as they’re uploaded. I watch all of the clips and I read articles about what’s happening. I know many people might disagree with me about this, but I like the ending for Alex. Izzie broke his heart and ran away. We don’t know if she ran away because she didn’t think Alex could ever be great husband material. She just gathered everything she had and left. It left Alex completely broken. In many ways, the young Alex we all disliked could never be responsible for children. He was immature and unlikable. It makes sense that he is now ready to have children of his own. His entire life has changed. I’m pretty sure that if Izzie came back into his life, he wouldn’t be with her. The reason why he chose her is because he found out he has kids. He would never abandon them like he was abandoned. I honestly like this ending for Alex. And I urge everyone to sit with this ending for a couple of days. I promise you’ll slowly start to see that this is the only proper ending for Alex. The writers are truly amazing.
I’ve been sharing a lot about myself and one of the things I’ve done to better improve my mental health was to receive therapy. I know that there is a negative connotation when someone says therapy, but I promise you that it is nothing like what you would think. It has helped me so much in learning about myself, conquering problems that I’ve had, and soothing me when I’m in a negative mindset.
I initially learned about therapy when YouTuber Nikki Phillippi talked about it on her YouTube channel. She admitted that she talked to a therapist every week about herself and her life. And I was intrigued. I always thought that therapy was expensive, so I never gave it a second thought. I remember learning about regain from another YouTuber that I can’t remember. I think she was a medical student and she used it to talk through her anxiety/stress related problems. I never thought that therapy would be affordable. The YouTuber recommended using regain. Regain offers a discount if you need it. I definitely needed it. I started using it by myself when my partner and I were going through issues. And eventually he joined me in my sessions. I don’t recommend it all the time because my therapist was quick to hang up the phone and she was only available to speak once a week. She was also slow on responding to messages. That’s the thing with finding a good therapist. You have to be careful to find someone that actually cares about your problems. Ours didn’t even know our names after two to three months working with her. We stopped the subscription.
I was using a crisis hotline to speak to a counselor only when I was truly upset. And it helped. I was able to talk to them on the phone, but the wait times were horrible. You could end up waiting for thirty minutes. I could imagine someone being more triggered in their negative mental state if they had to wait so long to talk to someone. The upside was that it was free. I was using this hotline every so often until I found the best form of therapy available.
I currently use the regain texting hotline which is free. And it connects me to a counselor within a minute. The counselors are very caring and they actually remember your name! The advice that they give is infinitely better than all of my previous experiences with therapy. I have been using this every single time when I’m upset. And it has changed my life for the better. They stay with you on the phone for hours if you need. I imagine them being like a friend you’re texting throughout the day. They are responsive and you never have to wait for long to receive a response. I’ll have the information below and I don’t get anything from mentioning them in my blog. I just really like their service. And like Nikki Phillippi said, she believes that everyone needs a therapist. Life gets so hard sometimes. I really like the idea that it’s a third party that can give unbiased advice. We all need someone to be there to talk to us and to help us back up. I hope this has helped someone to find help if they need it. You are never alone in your battles.
I used this today and it reaffirms how much I like this service. Regain: Text “regain” to 741741
It has been a rough two days so far. I feel like life has thrown a lot at me and I have felt overwhelmed at times. I know that things are not going to get easier. I’m always going to have to face these challenges. And I just hope that it won’t get worse. Right now, I’m sharing a car with my partner. It has been a whirlwind of things ranging from calling chiropractors and looking at the damages on my car. I already have a ton on my plate with my piano studio, but now I feel like the load has grown even more. It feels suffocating really. I don’t want to have to do so many things. I’m tired and maybe I just need to take a nap.
In other news, I’ve learned about the corona virus coming to my city. And people are filled with mayhem. I see that all the waters are sold out and I haven’t been able to buy hand sanitizer for awhile now. I went to walgreens and they weren’t there. I went to smiths and I was able to buy some hand sanitizing wipes. The rest were all sold out. I wish there were more, but that’s not the case right now. I know that some people think that it’s foolish to stock up on these items. And it’s only raising the cost. However, I think that I would rather buy water at a cheaper price than buy it at $50. If you can get these items now at a good price, I would buy it. I wouldn’t wait because the prices are going to skyrocket. And these are items that you are going to use anyways so it’s not really a waste.
I’m going to continue to try to get things done. I feel so hopeless right now, but I know I will be okay eventually. With lots of therapy and cuddles with my dog, I can conquer anything. Wish me tons of luck.
Today, I got into my second car accident. Yes, I wasn’t paying attention when I was driving. I looked down for a second and I didn’t have enough time to break, so I ended up rear ending another car. I was traumatized. You never know what is going to happen after the car accident. Am I going to survive this? Is this going to cause me a lot of injuries? Is the other driver okay? I saw my car do things that I didn’t know it could do and I felt terrible about it. The car I hit ended up being completely fine. There wasn’t even a dent in the other car, so the other driver ended up letting me go. He wasn’t upset or anything. I was so grateful. I then pulled into another community to absorb all of the shock of what just happened. I turned off the engine and I just sat in my car trying to let the shock wear off.
Since I’m a huge perfectionist, I was so upset with myself for doing this again. I wanted to hate myself, but I ultimately knew that it was only an accident. I didn’t do this on purpose and people make mistakes. I would never had expected this to happen today, but I can’t give myself a really hard time. I have to understand that this is my fault and I need to take responsibility for it, but I do not have to continue to beat myself up for it. What’s done is done. And I need to start fixing it. I sat there for almost forty minutes before my mind was clear again. I have to say though that my neck hurts and my head is still numb from the accident. I’m going to call a chiropractor tomorrow and try to help myself to start healing. And I already dropped my car off to an auto shop to start appraising the damages. I was so scared during the accident because my knees hit the car. I thought I lost both of my legs. And I honestly think that I’m still suffering ptsd from what happened.
I’ve learned that I need to lessen my driving because I drive a lot for my job. And I am at more of a risk of getting into a car accident than most people are because I’m always driving. I thought about my blog and how I need to start relying on it more. I’m lucky to have a supportive family and partner, but I need to be more independent. I’m going to take some time off today and try to relax my head from pounding. I’ll talk to everyone tomorrow. Thank you for reading.
I’ve been looking at rotten tomatoes and I noticed that anybody can say that they are a movie critic. Literally anyone can write a review and say that they are a critic! I don’t see the difference between a movie critic and the audience. Anyways, I decided that since I love movies so much, I am going to be a movie reviewer. And I’ve watched a lot of movies so far. I am not going to be harsh like the reviews I see on rotten tomatoes. The reviews made by critics are ridiculous. They only say negative things. For example, the reviews they wrote about Jumanji were terrible. They called it stupid. I don’t think the movie was stupid. And they don’t even say why it’s stupid!
Anyways, I just finished watching Knives Out and it is the best movie I’ve seen in awhile. The movie was well-written with many plot twists. And I thoroughly enjoyed watching it in the theaters. The movie itself is pretty long, but it keeps you engaged all throughout the movie. You’re always wondering who killed the grandfather and why. I don’t want to give out any spoilers, but I highly recommend watching it in the movie theaters while it’s still out. I don’t think watching it at home will do it justice.
I noticed many similarities that my family has to the family in the movie. My family has secrets and hidden agendas at times. I would say that the movie accurately represents the dynamics of a disjointed family. Not everyone is happy being in a family at times. And you don’t always get along with your family. It was very enjoyable to see all of the characters interact with one another and the family aspect of the movie was the best part for me.
I also don’t usually have pictures with my blog posts, but I found that this picture is pretty nice. Maybe I will have more pictures on my posts in the future!
My life has been a constant hamster wheel where I feel like I’ve been running and I haven’t gotten anywhere. It’s disappointing to think that all of your hard work hasn’t produced any results, but don’t give up. You have to keep going. I would never stop trying even when I fail. If you want something badly enough, you will go to great lengths to achieve them. I’ve spent so much time working on myself. And honestly, I haven’t seen any results. The results might be too small for me to appreciate it also. I often feel like my hard work has done nothing for me. I will keep going, however. I feel like I’m just about to bloom. All of this hard work will pay off. Stay strong and believe.