I’ve been making it a goal of mine to blog consistently because blogging is something that I really enjoy doing. I’ve also been wanting to post more topic posts that address a problem and elaborates more on it. I was inspired by Alfie’s (Pointlessblog) youtube video in which he talks about topics in front of his audience. And I want to start mine as well. My very first post is going to be about social anxiety. I think most people don’t know this about me or they might have started to catch on, but I have social anxiety. I can’t stand being in big crowds or talking in a large group. It’s something that I don’t feel comfortable with and I have never expressed it to other people. And it’s something extremely personal about me.
You would think that I wouldn’t have this problem because I teach all the time. I guess my brain approaches these situations differently than if I was in a big group of people. I’ve seen MANY people physically feel uncomfortable around me because I am not willing to have a conversation with them. And it’s not that I’m being rude, it’s honestly because I know how I will be if I try to engage in a conversation with other people. My body will react slower and I will just be miserable. So what do I do? I avoid these interactions completely. And that’s why you will see me by myself at parties or not talking much at events.
I’ve been asked by a lot of people about how I make friends. And the honest answer to that question is that I really cherish the friendships that I made with people that I’ve been friends with for a long time. So, since my social anxiety has become more prominent later in my life, I don’t feel that way around my friends. And you can probably guess that I haven’t really made new friends since.
I think many people struggle with social anxiety (I was just about to say “suffer”, but that would not be the right word). And it’s often misinterpreted as rudeness. I don’t want people to think that I’m a rude person that thinks very highly of herself. I am the opposite. I just don’t feel comfortable starting conversations. And believe me, I’m trying to slowly regain some confidence in this area. But as of right now, I would rather stay in my bubble where I feel most comfortable.